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After spending 4,000 years training in successively smaller black holes, ERIN emerged full-grown to fulfill the prophecy that she would destroy the universe. She was met in combat by the Pan-Dimensional Hegemony of Independent Galactic Federations in a war which saw the birth and death of 1,100 suns and trillions of megamurders. To escape the inevitable litigation, she fled to the 20th century and took first place in a noodle-eating competition, only to discover that the cook was actually a reanimated Otto von Bismarck channeling the spirit of voodoo Scatman Crothers. He advised her to return to college. Declining his recommendation, she turned her attention to reversing the trend of "yellow journalism" in the Deep South by starting a secret society based out of a dental hygiene franchise with offices worldwide. When this daring initiative failed to bear fruit, she entered the political arena eventually becoming President of the United States, Russia and New South Wales. After ushering in a new Golden Age and reversing the procession of the equinoxes, she uncovered a plot by cyborg apes from the future to turn ants into giant humans and humans into medium-sized ants. The specific ramifications of this conspiracy is as yet unknown, but she was forced into deep cover and now co-hosts the Ninjaconsultant podcast while bartending odd nights at the Wobbly Goblin. She was born in Michigan. | Forged -- not born -- in the heart of a living volcano, NOAH began his ninja training just prior to conception. By the time he reached majority, three empires lay in waste at his feet and another twelve had been subdued beneath the yoke of his tyranny. Unmoved by the cries of his vassalage to assume the mantle of God-king, he departed for the Savage Lands and spent 3,800 years in quiet contemplation, interrupting his silent vigil only once, to pee. Upon achieving the Om of Power, he wrestled the god Salbatanu to a standstill, thereby creating three remarkable mountain ranges in the Indus valley and one nondescript estuary in the Hindu Kush. Undaunted by the deadlock, he faced off against the Princes of the Nine Hells before falling in combat to Ugendenk the Obyrith, only to reappear countless centuries later as Director of the CIA. His much-celebrated career was brought to a disappointing close when, after repelling an invasion of psychic alien ninja wizards, it was discovered there were still some psychic alien ninja wizards left. He accepted retirement with full pension and now co-hosts the Ninjaconsultant podcast and can turn into a bear. May also have a degree in film. |  Click Image For Larger |